Social Skills Refresh! How to Have Good Conversations in Social Situations

You know what drives me absolutely mental? Watching grown professionals fumble through basic conversation skills at networking events like they've never spoken to another human being before.

I was at a Melbourne business breakfast last month – one of those 7am affairs that separates the committed from the coffee-dependent – and I witnessed what can only be described as conversational carnage. A perfectly competent accountant spent fifteen minutes explaining his tax software preferences to a wedding photographer who was clearly plotting her escape route. Meanwhile, another bloke monopolised a group discussion about property prices by launching into his personal cryptocurrency investment journey. Nobody asked, mate. Nobody.

The Uncomfortable Truth About Australian Conversation Culture

Here's something that'll ruffle a few feathers: most Australians think they're naturally good conversationalists because we're "laid-back" and "friendly." Bollocks. Being casual doesn't automatically make you engaging. I've seen more stimulating dialogue at a funeral wake than at some corporate functions in Sydney.

We've somehow convinced ourselves that throwing in a few "how ya going?" greetings and complaining about the weather constitutes meaningful social interaction. It doesn't. It's social wallpaper – pleasant enough background noise that nobody remembers five minutes later.

The reality is that dealing with difficult behaviours often starts with recognising our own conversational blind spots. And trust me, we all have them.

The Art of Actually Listening (Revolutionary Concept, I Know)

After seventeen years of running workshops and watching people interact, I can tell you that 73% of conversation problems stem from people not actually listening – they're just waiting for their turn to speak. It's like conversational musical chairs, except everyone's fighting for the same seat.

Real listening involves something most people find terrifying: silence. Those awkward pauses? They're not bugs in the conversation software; they're features. They give the other person space to think, to elaborate, to reveal something actually interesting about themselves.

I learned this the hard way during my early consulting days. Used to bulldoze through client meetings, firing off solutions before I'd properly understood their problems. Lost more potential contracts than I care to admit. Turns out, people prefer feeling heard over being impressed by your vast knowledge of industry best practices.

Questions That Don't Make People Want to Flee

Stop asking "What do you do?" as your opening gambit. It's tired. It's predictable. And frankly, it puts people in work mode when they might be trying to escape it.

Try these instead:

Instead of "How's work?" ask "What's been keeping you busy lately?" It opens the door for non-work responses – their hobby restoration project, kids' sports seasons, or that pottery class they've been secretly enjoying.

Rather than "Where are you from?" which can be loaded for people with complex backgrounds, try "What brought you to [current city]?" It's more specific and often yields better stories.

And here's a controversial one: "What's something you've changed your mind about recently?" People love talking about personal growth, and it immediately elevates the conversation beyond small talk territory.

The Follow-Up Game

Most people are rubbish at follow-up questions. They ask something, get an answer, then immediately pivot to their own story or completely unrelated topic. It's like conversational ADHD.

When someone says they're renovating their kitchen, don't launch into your own renovation horror story. Ask what inspired the change. What's been the biggest surprise? Are they doing any of the work themselves? Each answer gives you material for the next question.

I watch people do this brilliantly at conferences, and it's like watching social magic. They'll take one thread – maybe someone mentions they're originally from Perth – and explore it properly. What brought them east? Do they miss anything specific about WA? Have they been back recently? Before you know it, you're having a real conversation about family, career changes, and the relative merits of different coffee cultures.

Reading the Room (And When to Bail)

Here's where emotional intelligence separates the conversational wheat from the chaff. Some people are having an off day. Some are naturally introverted and need warming up. Others are just not interested in chatting, and that's perfectly fine.

The trick is recognising the difference between someone who needs a bit more time to open up and someone who's genuinely not in the mood. One-word answers, checking their phone, looking around the room – these aren't challenges to overcome with more enthusiasm. They're polite signals to gracefully move on.

I've seen well-meaning extroverts corner reluctant participants at work functions like conversational kidnappers. Nobody wins in these situations. The extrovert feels frustrated, the introvert feels trapped, and everyone else starts avoiding both of them.

The Stories That Actually Work

Everyone thinks they're a great storyteller. Few actually are. The difference usually comes down to understanding what makes a story worth telling in a social context.

Your story needs one of three things: it teaches something useful, it's genuinely funny (not just amusing to you), or it reveals something relatable about the human experience. If your anecdote doesn't tick at least one of these boxes, keep it to yourself.

Also, learn to edit in real-time. I've watched people take five minutes to tell a thirty-second story because they included every irrelevant detail. "So I was driving to Woolworths – actually, it might have been Coles, no wait, it was definitely Woolworths because I remember the car park layout – anyway, it was Tuesday, or maybe Wednesday..." By the time they get to the point, their audience has mentally checked out.

Technology Etiquette for Adults

Put your bloody phone away. I can't believe this needs saying in 2025, but apparently it does. If you're constantly checking notifications, you're broadcasting that literally anything happening in your digital world is more important than the person standing in front of you.

And for the love of all things holy, stop photographing your food mid-conversation to post on Instagram. The risotto will still be photogenic after you've finished talking to actual humans.

I know Apple makes their devices addictive by design – it's not entirely your fault. But social situations require presence, and presence requires intentionally choosing to engage with the physical world around you.

Handling Awkward Moments Like a Professional

Awkward silences happen. Someone will accidentally insult your profession, political views, or choice of football team. You'll completely forget someone's name thirty seconds after being introduced. Welcome to being human.

The key is not pretending these moments don't exist. Acknowledge them with humour where possible: "Well, that came out differently than it sounded in my head" or "I've just realised I've completely forgotten your name, which is embarrassing since you introduced yourself about two minutes ago."

People respect honesty and self-awareness far more than perfect social performance. Some of my best business relationships started with conversations that included genuine human moments of imperfection.

Building Connections Beyond Small Talk

Small talk serves a purpose – it's social lubrication that helps people feel comfortable. But if every conversation stays surface-level, you're missing opportunities to build meaningful professional and personal connections.

The transition from small talk to real conversation often happens through vulnerability. Not inappropriate oversharing – nobody needs to hear about your recent medical procedures at a work function – but genuine human moments. Admitting you're nervous about a presentation, excited about a new project, or struggling with a particular challenge.

When someone shares something real with you, resist the urge to immediately one-up them with your own experience. Sit with their moment for a bit. Ask a follow-up question. Show that you've actually heard what they've said.

This is where emotional intelligence for managers becomes crucial – the ability to read emotional cues and respond appropriately creates the foundation for all meaningful workplace relationships.

The Energy Management Factor

Here's something most conversation advice ignores: your energy level affects everything. If you're running on three hours' sleep and excessive caffeine, you're probably not going to be the engaging conversationalist you think you are.

Social interactions require mental resources. If you're emotionally depleted from back-to-back meetings, family drama, or general life stress, it's okay to acknowledge that and adjust your expectations accordingly.

Sometimes the most socially intelligent thing you can do is recognise when you're not bringing your best self to interactions and either excuse yourself gracefully or simply be more of a listener than a contributor.

Practice Makes Progress (Not Perfect)

Like any skill worth developing, conversation improves with deliberate practice. But here's where people go wrong – they try to practice on high-stakes situations. Job interviews, important client meetings, first dates.

Start small. Practice with baristas, Uber drivers, people in lift lobbies. These low-pressure interactions let you experiment with different approaches without risking important relationships or opportunities.

Pay attention to what works. When did someone light up and become more engaged? What questions sparked interesting responses? Which of your stories got genuine laughs versus polite chuckles?

And remember, even after nearly two decades of professional communication training, I still have conversations that fall flat, misread social cues, or say something I immediately regret. The goal isn't perfection – it's progress.

The business world rewards people who can connect authentically with others. Not because it's manipulative networking, but because work gets done through relationships, and relationships are built through genuine human connection.

Most people are so focused on being interesting that they forget the more important skill: being interested. Master that, and you'll find yourself having better conversations than 90% of the population.

Now stop reading about conversation skills and go have some actual conversations. The internet will still be here when you get back.